6 years ago, the best weekend ever... well except for the birth of my child.

I am a big celebrator of anniversaries. Not in the gift giving sort of way, just the acknowledgment sort of way. I am pretty good at remembering birthdays too. I'm not sure why, its just how I am.

I love the first week of December. It brings back such awesome memories for Chris and I.

6 years ago, I was student teaching 4th grade in WV. I thought things were a bit odd, when my teacher told me to take Friday off and enjoy my weekend. I told Chris about it and he said, "wow I'm off Friday too, lets do something."

little did I know, he arranged this with my teacher...

So that Friday he told me he had tickets to a show. He picked me up at my house and we went to Wheeling, Capitol City Music Hall to see "The Nutcracker Ballet". I am such a sheltered child, I didn't know that the Nutcracker was something other than a Disney flick (that I'd never seen, BTW). My parents were so worried when I was growing up that I wouldn't remember that 'Jesus is the Reason for the Season', I didn't know much else about the holiday.

Then he suggested we go see the lights in Oglebay, since we were there anyhow. Oglebay is usually a traffic DISASTER, and with me being the 'sheltered child' who never knew/understood the decor, lights, Santa stuff, I almost turned him down for this. The lights were beautiful and turns out my amazing boyfriend had dinner reservations at the Wilson Lodge . I had never been there before, but when I walked in the room, my first thought was "OMG he is going to propose here". (we had been dating 6 YEARS at this point, so I expected it almost every freaking day) It fit the cliche of proposing in a restaurant, with the fine dining, and big glass windows overlooking the golf course adorned with Christmas lights.

But he didn't.

I was so confused. It was weird, like what the heck, why didn't he? This was perfect, an awesome night out, we are both graduating college in a few weeks. WHAT?!
We've been dating for 6 years!!! WHAT?!
Its not like we didn't talk about moving away together this summer!!! WHAT?!

this is the image that came up when I googled irritated, just go with it.

So I sucked it up and didn't let on to my disappointment when we left. That's when all the sneaky plans came into play. We got in the car, then he said he needed to run back into the lodge to 'check the gift shop for something for his mom'. I stayed in the car, he took FOREVER and came out with nothing. Then we drove around the park for a minute and pulled into a parking spot in front of the hotel. He said, 'lets get out'. (?!?!) I am still like what the heck? Then he pulls out my suitcase and his from the trunk and I was still in shock. I ask him 'whats going on?' and he says 'we are staying here tonight, I had your mom pack a suitcase for you'.

Hold up.. wait a freaking minute...

WHAT? My uber-religious parents are aware and packed a suitcase for me to stay in a hotel with my BOYFRIEND? oh and my mama packed 'sexy' nightclothes,
I just do not believe this.
Again, I was so confused. This did not make sense. My MOTHER bought me lingerie?!?! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I kinda want to throw up in my mouth.

C'mon you'd think its weird too if your mom did that.

We got settled into the room and then he tells me that he almost forgot to show me the Nutcracker ornament that came with the tickets to the show. I am less than enthusiastic about the ornament because my DH has a bit of an annoying obsession with Christmas ornaments. (What do you think he told me he went into the gift shop to look for?)

He hands it to me and I am like Ok, cool. Then he says "open it up, it opens up". I open it up and inside is the ring and he is on one knee asking me to be his wife. WOOOHOOO! That was an awesome surprise! Of course I said yes. But then of course I had to give him a hard time for putting me through the "is he going to do this in front of everyone in this cliche restaurant" and he just laughs. We call our parents and celebrate. It was FABULOUS.

He tried to eat my ring!

The next morning, I ask him what we are going to do today. (Saturday) and he suggests we go to Amish Country. (boring!) but I say ok, because I am so happy. As we are driving, I have no idea where Amish Country is and I don't even notice that we are going to Pittsburgh until we pull into the AIRPORT. My first thought is, we have to FLY to get to Amish Country? Do they have an airport there? I thought they rode around on horses?!?!

I love the Amish. They make good wine and cheese.

I just play along and keep looking at him suspiciously. He hands me a plane ticket to Denver, CO. Again, WHAT? I know the Amish are not in Denver, so I know he lied. He says just go with it, so I do.

We land in Denver, and I start to panic,' do my parents know where I am?' I am clear across the country and I don't feel comfortable with no one knowing where I am. He says they know all of our plans. I go to the bathroom and call them on my cell to be sure I am not being kidnapped. (HAHAHA)
They laugh and won't tell me what is going on. Gee, thanks Mom and Dad... thought you were on my side.

uh oh.

Once we are in Denver, we eat lunch at the airport and he hands me another plane ticket to Las Vegas. NOW, WE ARE TALKING! He is so freaking proud of himself for pulling this off. I love it. I get nervous, like 'are we getting married in Vegas today'? OMG!

I kinda don't wanna be THAT girl

When we get to Vegas its December and 90 degrees, which is sooo freaking cool. Then I discover that my dear fiance is the MOST AMAZING PLANNER OF TRIPS EVER.

I would have said yes if this was what he gave me.

We stayed at the Bellagio hotel and casino. UM, HELLO!! We didn't just stay at the Bellagio, he got us a FREAKING PENTHOUSE. We had hotel escorts to the room. The 'room', which is bigger than my parents HOUSE, had 3 bathrooms and overlooked the amazingly, beautiful desert and Palms hotel.

We spent the rest of the night walking all over Vegas until 6am, in and out of casinos, Fremont Street, riding rides at the Stratosphere, etc. It was awesome. The next morning, 2 hours after we got home from walking the Strip, he makes me get on a Tour Bus and we drive forever. (At this point I stop asking what is going on, since he won't tell me)

The tour bus takes us to the Hoover Dam and even though I never thought about the Hoover Dam much before it really is beautiful. Although, right before we drove onto the dam, army reservists searched our bus, and us, for weapons of mass destruction, thank you Sept 11.

It was kinda like this.

I thought this was it and we get back in the bus and keep going, farther away from Vegas. Hmmmmm.....We were on Rt.66 and I thought that was super cool, and I bought a bunch of postcards at a gas station on the way. So I thought that was it.

In case you haven't noticed, my geography skills are baaaad. I didn't even know this stuff was close to each other.

they invented the GPS because of people like me

We finally stop again, and its all of a sudden, it is FREEZING again. We are in Arizona and at the Grand Canyon. I couldn't believe it. We hiked all over the top of it and toured it and drank hot apple cider with hot dogs. We bought Indian pottery, picture frames and blankets. We ate dinner at this little restaurant that used to be a train station. Then we headed back for another night on the strip.

We took the Red Eye back to Pittsburgh and when he brought me home. (I was living in my great grandma's house all alone at the time) it was all cleaned up and decorated for Christmas. He made his mom, my mom and his grandparents clean my house top to bottom and decorate it for Christmas. He bought and decorated a beautiful tree for me. I had never seen a tree so pretty. He covered it in Polonaise ornaments. That night our entire family came over to celebrate and it was the first time both our families had been in the same room. (and the last time until our wedding, birth of our child, Ethan's birthday, and that's it so far. lol)

We moved to Richmond Aug 4, 2004, got married July 9, 2005, had Ethan July 17, 2008 and here we are... a lot can happen in 6 years.

He never ceases to surprise me and its one of the many reasons why I love him.

one of the weirdest nights ever

So last night at 3am, our Jag's car alarm starts blaring. Not realizing it is our car, I begin cussing my neighbors out because anything that wakes me up is usually their fault.

FYI if it was their car, I'd totally leave a note like this. They drive me crazy!

Then DH jumps out of bed and realizes it's our Jag. I grab the keys and we look out the window and try to turn it off; it won't turn off. DH goes outside gets the alarm off and inspects the car, no sign of anything wrong or damaged so we go back to bed. Or at least HE DOES. I can't sleep and now that he is I never will fall back asleep, since he snores like a train, so I go sleep on the couch.

Internet, I believe we have talked about this issue before, he needs to do something about this or that pillow *may* go over his face.

I wake up this morning with blood all over my face and a I can't move my neck. (?!?!?!) My immediate thought is that I got a bloody nose, but when I cleaned it up I had a cut on my upper lip. WTH? I can't get it to stop bleeding and oh there is blood all over my clothes and couch. Fanfreakingtastic.

I apply pressure, put Neosporin on it, everything and still gushing. gahhhhhh... how the heck did I get this injury?! why can't I move my neck?

Finally it somehow stops bleeding, I have to go to work, my lip hurts like hell, I don't know how it got that way and I still can't move my neck. wahhhhh... no really, wahhhhh.

Sure it was a 1/2 day, but you try teaching 20 first graders and not be able to move your head. Not an easy task that's for sure. Oh the things we take for granted...

don't judge me for this picture, you try teaching first grade when you feel bad, its the day before Thanksgiving break and oh yea, it's 'pajama day'.

Its now after 5pm and I have taken 800mg of Ibuprofen and nope, my neck is stiff and in so much pain.

GRRRRRRRRad school

I hate college professors. Just because you have a Ph.D in 'godknowswhat' doesn't give you the right to be a pompous asshole prick. (Sorry I am not in the mood to refrain from my true feelings)

For the record, I may NEVER graduate. Good thing I didn't pay a dime for it. If I don't graduate, you can guarantee I will be sure to bash all those jerk advisors who screwed me over.

I am so angry! I need one class for my masters degree. One class that I was already taking and did half the work and since I had a PREMATURE BABY, they dropped me from it without my consent, instead of, you know, offering to work with me. ?!?!?!?!?! If one of my students (godforbid, since they are 6) had a BABY, (or other medical condition, life event,etc.) I would assist them. Seriously, if a kid's parents are working late, I give them make up time to finish stuff. It blows my mind that they just dropped me from it without asking me.

ONE CLASS!!!

Thank God I have this blog/online-public diary because otherwise I may say all this stuff to their faces.

I still might.



Kthx.

YIPPIE!!!!

I PASSED NATIONAL BOARDS! I AM A NATIONAL BOARD CERTIFIED TEACHER IN EARLY CHILDHOOD! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I am just so excited that I am shaking!

www.nbpts.org

A ball of nerves

I am a bundle of nerves today.

WHY? Well since you asked...

1. I had to take 20 6 year olds on a field trip.

2. Then an employer (the manager?) of www.c-mor.org decided to be an @$$ and rude to our school who just brought them 100+ kids at $8.00 a pop. grrrrr... She said that our students were not supervised. I personally had 8 chaperones and every one of my students had adult eyes on them the entire time, so there. Guess what, we (I) won't be back. There I feel better.

3. A coworker left my class high and dry on the field trip with no bus. (this was fixed quickly, thank goodness, but embarrassing) but still.. thanks a lot _____ for that unneeded stressor today.

4. The real reason I am shaking with nervousness... National Board Certification scores are announced tomorrow morning. I am soooo nervous. I want to pass, I don't want to retake. (I will if I have to) and I am so impatient. The thing is, I know I did my best, I know I kicked ass on it and I feel so confident. To find out that I failed will dumbfound me. Its not possible for me to fail this in my mind, but 'realistic me' knows that the possibility is out there, and many, many, many people fail this every year. If I have to retake a portion, its not the end of the world, the thing is, I don't know what I'd change or do different. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do, researched everything and oh well, it is what it is... ACK ACK ACK!! I'll let you know Internet how it goes. If I pass I will have initials after my last name, HOW COOL IS THAT?

Today Sucks

And its only 930 in the morning. I just want to go back to bed. What sucks even more is my DH doesn't even have a clue why I am bummed.

Today is the day we lost our first baby 2 years ago. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. Probably the most horrible thing I have ever been through. So many emotions of that day- happiness, fear, relief, then immense pain.

Nothing describes the feeling of being scared because you think something is wrong. Being reassured by the doctor that its 'ok' and even seeing a 'strong heartbeat'. Then within hours of that being pretty sure your water just broke, ('impossible' they said), and then staring at your helpless, dead, tiny, baby. ("I told you my water broke"-I wish that doctors didn't treat patients like they didn't know their bodies.)

I wish I could forget it. I wish I could get that image out of my head. But I can't. And I'm very sorry I just put it in your head, but trust me, imagining it and then seeing it for real are very different.

I even feel guilty for grieving this child, because if this child had made it to term, Ethan wouldn't exist. It doesn't make sense. I can't imagine life without Ethan, so its so weird to feel sad about something that caused him the ability to exist. I wouldn't change a thing, but it still makes me sad.

Then there's when we had to tell everyone. My family while sad, was more worried about my health and well being and I guess that's to be expected. I just replay the conversation with my in-laws over and over, and while I know DH didn't mean to imply me, his words were "She lost the baby last night" and that stung, because I didn't lose the baby, we did. It wasn't anyone's fault. I know this. I know I didn't do anything wrong. It just plain sucks and that's all.

There are also the idiot 'friends' of ours that said things like 'well I guess you shouldn't have told anyone you were pregnant'. what the hell did that mean? like since we told someone that we were pregnant, the baby decided not to be born cause its parents can't keep a secret. (since when does it have to be a secret) what an idiot. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore, what insensitive jerks they were. puh-lease. What a great friend, when I needed a hug, they slapped me in the face. oh well, that's not what this is about. But it made me realize how much more important family is, and I love my DH more and more because he was there for me.

I guess its harder on me because I'm the woman. I loved the baby from the moment I knew it existed. It was real to me immediately, because I had to change my life immediately. I had plans and dreams for it. I guess babies are not really real for men until they can see or feel them. Its ok, I guess that's nature, and proof women are stronger than men.

oh and for the record, I am happy, I love my life and wouldn't change it. Its just that today and its memory sucks.

update on my crazy family.

Well my brother has completed "detox". (or so they said.. they could have just kicked his ass out because he is so annoying.) He says he 'feels amazing and alive' and he 'will never even take a tylenol again'. blah blah-he also DOES NOT SHUT UP. The kid does not stop talking. We'll see. My parents are working on getting him into a rehab facility, even though he insists that he doesn't need it. Its amazing that to get into rehab it costs thousands of dollars and they want you to have insurance. What junkie do you know has a job and insurance that they can afford rehab? Makes no sense, but nothing is free of course. My parents are going to sell his cars to pay for it. That's what he gets. Right now my parents have him on lockdown. He has no cars, no money, no life, and can't leave the house. Too bad they didn't do that enough when he was in high school. Felt like I was always on lockdown in high school, oh wait, no I wasn't on lockdown, I HAD A JOB AND PAID FOR MY OWN SHIT.

now this stupid song is stuck in my head

Speaking of cars, talk about heart failure. My mother totaled her car last night taking my 11 month old nephew back to his mother. She hit the mother load of a deer. The deer seriously exploded all over Route 18 and was unidentifiable as an animal/living creature when they got out of the car to 'check to be sure it was dead'. (?!?!?!) Jesus. Mom's car is dead, but thank God they are ok. I think "babymama" may have had a heart attack (WHO CAN BLAME HER? I WOULD TOO!) but all is well. Now I guess my mom AND brother are on lockdown together. oh boy- this could be bad.